So, I love taking pictures and then editing them. I also love writing. I am going to post a link of pictures taken and edited by me (: http://www.flickr.com/photos/katrinsarah/.
And now I am going to think up a story and type it out.
“No, no daddy you can’t do this to me!” I scream as he shoves me a little further.
“You are one of the most ungrateful daughters your mother and I have ever raised! Now get in your room!” he yells as he slams the door after I am shoved in.
I start to bang on the door as I am crying and the tears are streaming down my face. But, he locked me in. After a few minutes my hands start to hurt so I turn around and slide down the door with my back. For a few minutes I just there in the middle of my giant pink and yellow ball gown. I am so mad that I rip off my left shoe and throw it across the room, next I do the same with my right. I am just about to rip off my tiara but that is too valuable so I grab and yank it out of my very nicely pinned up light brown hair, stomp over to the case it belongs on, set it on the pillow and put the glass case around it.
I hear something hit my glass sliding door leading to my balcony so I walk over to the doors to see the man I love standing there, at the bottom of my balcony. I open one door, walk out onto the balcony, look over, and yell to him “You got me in trouble.”
“Oh Princess I am very sorry.”
“Wait here.” What I do next is even beyond anything I have dreamed of. I grab a bag out of my closet with two of the plainest dresses I own, I shove them into the bag, then slip into some very normal shoes, tie the bag with a ribbon then walk over to the balcony. I stand above him yell “Catch this.” He then catches it and I climb down the vines. My plans are to never come back, lets see how far they take me.
You have some nice pictures there. My favorites are "Peaceful" and "Bridge". As a suggestion, include these two on your blog page, then post the link to the others with a note that more are available via the link. This is just my idea that peeps should have a sample before being directed off site to see more.
ReplyDeleteYou story is interesting inasmuch as it is compelling reading to see what happens next. I do suggest proofreading it before posting. The word "raise" should be "raised" to keep it in the proper tense of daddy's statement. For the few minutes you just what there? "sit" perhaps? Your tiara is "too" valuable. Your hair is "pinned" up, not pined. You prolly stomped over "to" the case rather than "the the". When you hear something hit your glass door and you yell to "him" it appears to reference daddy since he is the only "him" we've met in the story so far. I think some clarification would be good. After you climb down the vines, I think one more sentence is needed. Something showing your intentions like leaving home forever or such.
My comments are intended to be a critique to help you improve your writing.
Oh, and I forgot to mention, capitalize your pronoun "i" throughout. Lower case is acceptable in chat rooms, but stories should be held to a higher standard. -Jessie
ReplyDeleteThank you for the help Ms. Jessie. I wrote this last year for an English assignment, I couldn't think of anything so I copied and pasted, shoulda looked it over before posting huh? Lol. Your help is much appreciated. I think you are a wonderful.
ReplyDelete